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[22 Mar 2006|03:44pm]
"At one extreme, one finds that the performer can be fully taken in by his own act; he can be sincerely convinced that the impression of reality which he stages is the real reality. When his audience is also convinced in this way about the show he puts on-and this seems to be the typical case- then for the moment at least, only the sociologist or the socially disgruntled will have any doubts about the "realness" of what is presented."
-erving goffman

here's to the socially disgruntled realizing that actual reality has become secondary to the perpetuation of the illusion.

lies, untruths, mistakes, whatever bush calls them, they have been exposed as lies and the senate hasn't done shit with it.

if evidence exists (downing street memos) that the president and his cronies in the WHIG deliberately led the united states into an war through the utilization of false information, why can't they be held responsible?
if evidence exists that the president violated both international law (flouting the geneva conventions) and domestic law (the suspension of habeaus corpeus for his 'unlawful enemy combatants', the circumvention of the FISA court), why won't he be held responsible?

because illusion has become reality folks.

i don't believe in bush.
i don't believe in terrorists.
i don't believe in islam.
i don't believe in america.
i don't believe in optimism.
i don't believe in jesus.
i don't believe in opinion.
i just believe in me.
tom and me.
and that's reality.

is this american? [15 Mar 2006|06:40pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

11:34 p.m., Nov. 4, 2003. Detainee died during an interrogation by OGA, and was placed in the shower area of tier 1, hard site. The body bag was opened so CPL GRANER and SPC HARMON could take pictures of the detainee. No NDRS or ISN numbers, as he was never processed in the system.

11:01 p.m., Nov. 4, 2003. Detainee with bag over head, standing on box with wires attached.

11:15 p.m., Nov. 7, 2003. The detainees were brought into the hard site for their involvement in a riot. The seven detainees were flexi cuffed and thrown into a pile on the floor. Soldiers then jumped on the pile, stomped on their hands and feet. CPL GRANER is depicted holding and in the process of punching a detainee. [Detainee name deleted] is detainee with writing on leg wearing the white underwear. SOLDIER(S): CPL GRANER

to see more disturbing images, see
or pick up the latest issue of harpers.

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pooty [09 Jun 2005|05:16pm]
[ mood | naked ]


1. trip to michigan has been canceled. because of #2.

2. it rained in sacramento, while my roof was being replaced, therefore my house got wet... all over. bad news.

3. i hurt my face, but it is healed!

4. i'm flying home on wednesday (the 15, like the fischerspooner song! see #6), but then driving back down to LA to pick up all my shizz the next day. since i will be in so cal, i'm gonna take a little vacation to san diego and lay on the beach and enjoy the sun.

5. i'm then going to drive back to sacramento friday (the 24th) and will be staying at my mom's wet house until the first of september.

6. i was recently in sacramento for a wedding and a show, and both were excellente. fischerspooner was a pain in the ass to get to, but andy and i managed to get inside right as they came on. i don't know if i like the whole "rock band" thing they are trying to do, but alas, i will submit to the infinitely catchyness of their newest pop goodness.

7. summer has started. i wonder what the fuck it has in store for me and my amigos... especially kristian... good luck in reggae-land man!

see you sacramentans soon!

i'll miss you angelenos a lot!


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[25 May 2005|11:59pm]
[ mood | high ]

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yosemite [25 May 2005|11:48pm]
[ mood | happy ]

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warning: sociology ahead [18 May 2005|05:27pm]
Bob Dylan, Durkheim's conception of the Soul, and Moulin Rouge

I am most moved by music when it touches me, when it reverberates with something i am feeling, when I can connect with it. None of these emotions can be rationally explained, for they just are. Every generation feels their music deeply, and it is because those artists are expressing the same themes that they are feeling.

To me, songs are outlets for our souls: they are mediums through which we idealize sacred ideas or objects and condemn the profane. Dylan has such a mass appeal and has received such acclaim because his songs seem so deep, but ambiguous. This is his intention, he says, "even if I could tell you what the song was about I wouldn't. It's up to the listener to figure out what it means to him." Dylan understands the social function that songs play in our society, they can make us cry, pump us up, cheer us up, whatever we choose. Just as society creates our soul, it is our souls that create meaning from the songs we listen to.

Just as the corrobbori awakens collectivity in Australians ("the various ideas he has elaborated collectively continue to live in his consciousness" 193), songs persist in our minds and our souls, and leave indelible marks on our values and beliefs.

I found this to be resoundingly true in my life, when I first fell in love. I had dreamt of finding the right guy, just knowing it would be perfect, you know all those ideas we grow up believing in. Music served an important function in shaping my ideas of love--I listened to the Postal Service while i was sick in bed for a month non-stop last year... "I want so badly to believe that there is truth, that love is real," i want to take you far from the cynics in this town, and kiss you on the mouth. We'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of the seam, we'll start a brand new colony". Just as Dylan said about Woody Guthrie, "He was saying everything in his songs that I felt but didn't know how to." These songs, along with movies such as Moulin Rouge and Love Actually, made my soul committed to the pursuit of love.

Now, after thinking about what is important to me in my life, I would say the most important thing is love. I'm not religious, I was adopted and am not very close to my parents or family, my national pride is severely hurt when the majority of my fellow Americans consistently think that I should not be allowed to get married, and personal possessions, while nice to have, aren't that important to me (i'm a sociology major, so i'm sure that i will be makin the big bucks and living the high life later on, yeah right). So, i guess i believe in love, and now that i am actually in love, i have found that is a great thing to belive in.

But then again, I guess that these feelings are actually what society has shown my soul, through the music inspired by creativity.
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!! [24 Feb 2005|11:43am]

things that infuriate me:

USA Next (a conservative lobbying group) running an ad that showed a soldier with a red X across him, and two gay men kissing at their nuptuals, with the headline "The REAL AARP Agenda." AARP being the American Association of Retired People. UM EXCUSE ME BUT OLD PEOPLE HATE GAYS. newsflash for ya. ahhhhh the propaganda i just cannot take it anymore... swift boats, the payment of journalists, jeff gannon, what the fuck is going on!!!!!

chris webber getting shipped off. for fucking SHITTY PLAYERS!!! FUCKING SHITTY FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the energy bill going through congress trying yet again to open up the alaskan refuge to oil drilling, wind power people, it's possible and cost effective now!

bush laughing about "leaving all options on the table" when dealing with iran... that fucker is gonna bomb the entire world... if he can invade two countries in the three years after 9/11, then don't think we won't have syria and iran by the end of his term.

ANTS!!! everywhere!!! all over my room!!! ahhH!!! i hate ants!

rainy weather in LA, i am not accustomed to such things!!!

things keeping me sane:


desperate housewives

lots of pot

lots of booze too

work, i know that's weird, but i really love all my friends there and seeing them makes me happy.

talking to my mom

knowing i will return to roseville in less than a month! and get to see jeffy and andrew and steph and leo and everyone

peace peeps
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[21 Jan 2005|01:54pm]
[ mood | neck hurts from hangover ]


life is pretty damn good right now, my hangover aside.

i've been quite the busy panda lately, from working a shitload, to reading a shitload, to doing other things a lot... my life has been crazy since i got back to LA.

first and foremost, the best part is undoubtably tom. everything has been great and he is the *ideal* boyfriend that i have always wanted. so yeah, i'm pretty happy.

classes are really cool... sociological theory is interesting, enviromentalism is fucking awesome, and sociological research is cool cuz i am doing my research project on [the facebook]

so yeah... i'll try to post more often (?) i don't know if it's worth it though... my life isn't that interesting, it's very repetitive. but i'm alive and doing well so there you all go.

love and kisses!

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brite nite [02 Jan 2005|12:04pm]

my new years was great, i got to spend it with most of my friends... it was kind of wierd though:

1. there were more straight guys than gay guys at my party ( a first )
2. most of them were white trash
3. a random muddy dog came walking into my house after midnight
4. i got really drunk ( well that's not that unusual actually )
5. i got really drunk and didn't vomit !
6. i was asked to do something naughty ;>
7. i had a boy in my bed but nothing happened i swear!

so yea... new years was fun... i am broke though because i spent about 175 dollars on my party... ooops!

now it is back to LA yet again, but don't worry, i'll be back in Sac in no time flat!

2 comments| post comment

[10 Dec 2004|11:57am]

i thought that if you did everything right, it all would work

i thought that everyone wanted it to be perfect

i guess i was wrong

i guess i won't get it

at least not for a while...
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[10 Dec 2004|11:57am]
[ mood | peaceful ]


so i'm almost home!
thursday i will be returning to the backwater town that i call home for a brief stay of either two nights or three.

i have decided to have a dinner party in that brief time, and all my friends are expected to attend. i will be making *gormet* enchiladas and a full course yummy meal.

life here is moving along... work was going well until yesterday...
a table fucking walked out on me!!!
and my manager wrote ME up for it!!!
fucking bullshit.

so i just went home and got trashed and went to tigerheat and got to see the lack of hot guys that were in attendance.
fun times.

last day of class today... well i actually am done with class, i just have two reviews to go to later today. i might be going shopping later, we'll see.

things are going well. the sun came out today and LA weather has finally returned.
it couldn't be more appropriate :)

ciao loves!

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[04 Dec 2004|06:44pm]
"oooh, youse all thick up in herrrrre!"
-my new best friend and hair stylist vanessa, commenting on the thickness of my hair.

i recently discovered my new favorite band: the go! team
their cheery bubblicious goodness has instilled a new sense of purpose in my life...
but actually, i am starting to feel really good, and they are the perfect soundtrack while i smile and strut down bruin walk :)

so things in the love triangle have straightened (for lack of a better word) themselves out, and i think that all of us will be happy in the long run as friends...

i realized that i have a mere six days to get all my eap stuff done... i am such a fucking slacker

i am sooooo stoked about next quarter, i'm taking a class called environmentalism: past, present, and future... yay!

for all you sacramento people, i cannot wait till i get to see you again, i am flying home on the SIXTEENTH! i don't know how long my initial stay will last, probably only a couple days, but i should be back again at christmas, and then again at new years.... i hope i can have another new year's eve squared party... because i have been planning it out in my head for like six months. i have recently decided on a theme though:


SO YEA... i love you all

and good nite!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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[30 Nov 2004|11:52pm]
gwenyth paltrow is love
brought to you by the isLove Generator
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[29 Nov 2004|12:19am]
how much do you know about by ho tendencies?

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!
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[13 Nov 2004|12:11am]
[ mood | bouncy ]

you can follow logic
or contest it all
the work solution makes a common house a home

you're staring at the sun
you're standing in the sea
your mouth is open wide
you're trying hard to breathe

you're staring at the sun

the faint was fucking awesome... they played fucking amazing... the energy was amazing in the hidden temple where the show was... i am so glad i got that phone call.

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[13 Nov 2004|12:11am]
this is fact not fiction
for the first time in years

so i'm back to the electronic world, but i don't know how long i'll be staying... my prolonged departure from lj was intolerable at first, and there were so many things i wanted to say. but now, i find myself content with brooding over all my emotions without having to attempt to describe them and then failing miserably.

i am still the same person i was two months ago, albeit a much more tired one. i don't really feel healthy... and that's a feeling i don't think i have ever had, besides the obvious sickness times. last night i layed in bed trying to sleep for five hours and ended up only getting like two hours of sleep before waking up for work. this has been occuring a lot lately.
there have been a lot of things flowing through my head, and i guess that's part of the reason why i can't sleep very well. i really feel like there are so many things in my life that i can't control, and no matter how optimistic i am and how hard i push myself to overcome them, as soon as i do i just get slammed with something else. i know that that's how life is, but i really just wish i could take a vacation. not a literal one, just a vacation from all this worrying.
a vacation from fighting with my mom.
a vacation from my jobs.
a vacation from being lonely.
a vacation from regretting hating my dad.
a vacation from statistics.
a vacation from thinking about which of my friends from back home i haven't talked to in a while and wondering how they are and wishing they would call me but yet at the same time hoping they won't because i don't really have anything to say.
and lastly, a vacation from this country and that the man who sent so many to die and kill so many others got re-elected due to the large constituency who doesn't think that i am an equal citizen.

oh well, enough of this.

i'm going to bed.

and don't wake me, i plan on sleeping in.
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[16 Oct 2004|11:25pm]
[ mood | tired ]


i'm still alive


ucla won't let me go online because i have some viruses or something, so i'm updating from steve's computer in the oc.

so school is going good... i'm only taking 13 units, but i am about to start workin two jobs... the coffeeshop on mon, wed, and fri mornings and at olive garden (YAY! I"M A SERVER NOW!) on tues, thurs, sat, sun.

i've been super busy... but i am too tired to try and catch up. so if you want to know how my life has been you will just have to wait till you see/talk to me.

but i want everyone to know that i couldn't be in a better place right now, i love LA and my school, and i am so glad to be here.

love to everyone::::>
and peace:::::::>

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[18 Sep 2004|06:10pm]
[ mood | blah ]

they won't see us waiting
from such great heights
come down now
they'll say

so my summer is coming to a close, time to start my other life again.
three months ago i couldn't wait to come home, i was crying because i felt so alone in LA.
now as i prepare to return there, i find myself crying here because i feel so alone.
over the course of this summer, numerous friendships have either come to a sad closing or have reached the end of the long road of dissolution.

my friendship with bob falls in to the former, and its demise has left me dazed and confused. one moment i thought that we were close friends, and a few days later i am told its over.

my friendships with my best high school friends, meagan and marisa, have been reduced to me calling them almost every other day and them either not answering or being too tired to hang out every single time. i realized yesterday that i hadn't gotten drunk with marisa since senior year. and she pretends like john hasn't changed her...

a week ago i was mad that jeff hadn't made an effort to see me in over a week, but now i've stopped calling him every night to hang out, and i don't really care that he hasn't called me either. the last memory that i have where we had a good time was at his pirate party. since then, i have felt like i don't have a place in his life anymore.

i guess the common thread with all my friends is that they all have serious boyfriends, and that ever since they started getting serious, i felt out of place. i tried hanging out with them and their significant others, but its obvious everytime that they don't really know how to adapt.

i'm not blaming them for being happy, and i'm not jealous. they are all so lucky to have boyfriends who care about them as much as they all do. and i like all of their boyfriends (except marisa's). they are all great people.

so i'm glad that i only have a couple days left here, and soon i can move back to school and just start over, yet again.

[10 Sep 2004|12:10pm]
last night i dreamt that i had a boyfriend who played soccer.

it was nice.
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[04 Sep 2004|11:24am]
omg i want to cry

i just got my computer back and all 8 gigs are still intact!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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